Third Trimester: 29 - 40 weeks

Week 29: I am back at home now, and things haven't changed at work. I am completely swamped, but between Joshua and the pregnancy I am completely incapable of putting in the extra hours needed to clear my in-tray. It's a vicious circle as this worries and stresses me, I don't relax or sleep properly and become more tired.

And oh yes - I put on a stone in weight on holiday. I'm trying not to let my weight gain bother me too much but it's always there in the back of my mind. Actually, I am trying to really bury my head in the sand. I will just have to deal with it afterwards!

Week 30: I wrote the official letter to my boss this week regarding starting maternity leave - I am going to start at 35 weeks pregnant. He said this was OK as long as I had finished all the work on my project (it is close to the end, but I am not sure whether finishing it in 4-5 weeks is possible). I will have to work my socks off to finish it, and this will involve a lot of traveling and some flying. I might as well work an extra week or so and get paid for it, rather than trying to get the work done in time I have now. Unfortunately, the official letter has gone in, and I can't change it! Aaagh. Work and pregnancy don't mix.

Week 31: I had the worst moment of my life this week. Joshua rushed out the front door, and unbeknownst to me, also out of the front gate. We had just changed the lock on the front gate as he had mastered the old one, but obviously, three days is enough for a two year old to master a new type of gate catch. I hadn't followed him very quickly as I had been sitting on the floor and it had taken me a while to stand up. By the time I reached the front door he was away down the street and I couldn't see him. I didn't realise this fully, and checked the house and garden a couple of times, as quickly as I could, which isn't very fast at the moment.

A neighbor heard me calling him, and helped look for him. Finally, whilst dreading the worst and as I headed towards the nearby main road, two woman came round the corner holding Joshua hands. They had found him distraught on the corner of the main road, a direction in which we never walk together. They didn't know anyone who lived nearby and were walking him away from the main road on the off chance that someone would know who he was.

I don't know who these women were. They both were carrying small babies in car seats, so it must have been a hassle for them to stop and look after Joshua, but I would like to thank them with all my heart for stopping and helping a lost toddler. I can't even think about what might have happened without them. I hope that they read this and realize that their actions were so appreciated.

I never realized that my inability to run around after an active toddler could have such potentially serious consequences. It's not something you think about when planning your second child, and the age difference between your children.

Our front gate is once again toddler-proof. We have added a safety chain to the road side of the gate which Joshua can't reach. However, I am under no illusions that one day he will also master this catch, and be able to run out onto the road again!

Week 32: I haven't let Joshua out of my sight in the garden this week. This is definitely hard work as our garden goes round the side of our house, so I have to keep running around after him.

Joshua is definitely becoming even clingier as my pregnancy progresses. I hadn't expected this, although friends have also said that their toddlers have become more naughty or clingy as they become more pregnant. Joshua knows that I am less able to pick him up, but I try and make up for this by giving him more cuddles whilst sitting down!

I hope he isn't feeling insecure and I am starting to feel concerned about the effect of a new baby on his feelings about his position in our lives. I keep reassuring him and just hope it is enough.

Week 33: My bump is growing very big, together with parts of me that I would rather weren't so big! It's funny how we get so worried about bump size. A girl at work is four weeks behind me, but has a much smaller bump. I am paranoid mine is too big, and she is paranoid that hers is too small! I asked for a growth scan to see if this baby really is huge, as Joshua was over 10lbs when he was born. I think this would affect my decision on whether I tried for a natural birth or whether I opted for a caesarean.

Well, the baby isn't huge (and it is a girl!), so I think I will try for a natural birth. The more I think about it, the recovery time after a caesarean is so long, and Joshua would not understand if I couldn't pick him up for weeks, or drive for 6 weeks. I wouldn't even be able to lift him into his high chair. This would make it very difficult as I will be at home looking after him and the baby on my own for most of the day.

Week 34: My last week at work. I have really been counting down the days to this. I am sure I will be a lot less stressed once I finish work, and am able to sleep more. My weight is still increasing. I am heading for putting on 4 stone during this pregnancy. Not good, but I don't currently feel in a position to do anything about it. I have lost a lot of weight once, and will just have to do it again.

Week 35: I am finally on maternity leave this week! I don't know how I managed to work last week, as all I seem to be able to do now is lie on the sofa watching television (well videos - have you tried watching daytime television for more than half a day - it is definitely designed to get you back to work!)

I have managed to get a few things done about the house, and have finally started getting together bits and pieces for the new baby - I have washed all the bedding and clothes that Joshua had when he was little, and we are clearing space in our room for the Moses basket and preparing the spare room for the cot.

I really don't feel ready, so I hope the baby gives me a few weeks to prepare, and buy new batteries for my TENS machine! Mind you, the head hasn't engaged at all yet and if it follows Joshua, I will be induced! (his head never engaged at all, even just prior to induction!). Now I have stopped work, I can start to get excited about the impending arrival!

Week: 36 Joshua is definitely in the middle of the terrible twos at the moment. I am not sure whether this is a normal stage in his development, or whether it is accentuated because I am pregnant. He is jut so obstreperous! Whatever I get him for breakfast is wrong (even though I get what he asked for), I put it in the wrong bowl, with the wrong spoon. I sit at the wrong seat at the table and so on. My poor husband is getting it worse than me and is simply getting 'go away Daddy' a lot.

Joshua has also been hitting other children at nursery, which really upsets me. I understand from a lot of people that many toddlers go through this phase, and we and the nursery staff are doing our best to stop this, and so far it seems to be working. The exception is that Joshua often kicks the cat. We make him say sorry, which he does, but then next day, will kick the cat again. I don't want him to turn into a bully, and am following advice on what to do (mainly telling him 'no' and why, and also leaving him on his own, so he doesn't get attention for his bad behaviour). However any more advice would be most welcome!

I am hoping this is a toddler stage, and not attention seeking because I am pregnant. However, I am very emotional at the moment (hormones!), so may not be reacting in entirely the correct way. Thank goodness that the nursery staff are so good in helping us to teach him how to treat other children.

My hospital bag is now packed (it's funny how I quickly forgot about things such as maternity pads after I had Joshua. It is quite a shock to rediscover them!) and I have tiny nappies, and cotton wool balls all ready to go. I know I have done this all before, but it still feels very strange, looking forward to having a tiny baby again, who is really helpless. I still think of Joshua as small and dependent on me, but it's not quite in the same league as a newborn baby!

Week 37: Ooh, the weather is getting hot now and it is true, it is much less bearable when you are pregnant! Poor Joshua is suffering with a hot and very tired Mummy. I have suddenly run out of energy, so it is nice to be lazing in a sunny garden watching Joshua. I am really getting excited about the impending arrival, and also looking forward to it from the point of view that I don't want to carry this huge lump around any more! Not long now! Mind you I am starting to get a bit apprehensive about the actual labour, and also having a newborn and a toddler afterwards. I had a hard time with Joshua as I had an emergency caesarean and felt really rough afterwards, and then I only had one baby!

Week 38: I am definitely very tired now. I feel like a beached whale most of the time, and it is becoming more and more difficult to get up off the settee! Everyone reminds me that you do feel a lot better once the baby is born (despite the disturbed nights) as you have a lot more energy to move around. I am clinging onto this hope!

The baby is still very active, which is very reassuring, but I am not getting much sleep now.

Week 39: I had my last hospital appointment this week. As I had such a large baby (he was 10lbs and a quarter ounce) last time, they won't leave me to go past my due dates, and will arrange for me to be induced just after, rather than waiting until 42 weeks. I am definitely getting apprehensive about the actual birth, and realise that I am already exhausted and feel I have the equivalent to a marathon to run next week!

Week 40 - The Birth: I had a migraine the day before my due date, and my blood pressure rose (I have a home monitor that I checked it out on). I got checked over by the hospital, as flashing lights and raised blood pressure could be a warning sign of pre-eclampsia, but it was just a migraine, as I suspected. Mind you, was a bit of a scare, and you suddenly realise how fragile the baby inside you is.

I was finally induced two days after my due date. They broke my waters at 8.30am and I finally delivered Emma naturally at 4.03pm. I won't lie and say that it was easy - it was actually very painful- but it was all worth it in the end, and I have a beautiful baby girl. She didn't let me down in the size stakes, and was a huge 9lb 14oz (4.478kg).

Many people have asked me about natural birth versus caesarean, as I have now had both, and although it is from a very personal point of view, the recovery time from the natural birth was so much quicker and so much easier. I was lucky in that I didn't tear badly, but I didn't need any pain killers after the actual birth this time, compared to days on pain killers last time. Nonetheless, last time I had a Caesarean for a very good medical reason. However, I am happy that I tried the natural birth this time, and that it worked out OK.

At the beginning of this pregnancy I had a number of fears - my potential weight gain, my relationship with my son and my job. I think I will have to re-assess my attitude towards my job at the end of my maternity leave. At the moment it is too early to say whether my attitude towards my career will have changed any more. Obviously I now have two children whom I now prioritise in my life, but I still feel that I will want to keep my career going, and return to work part time in 6 months. However, priorities change and I am still keeping an open mind.

I piled on the weight during this pregnancy and have been left with 3 stone to lose. This may sound lots, but I have done it before, and I am determined not to let it get on top of me, as it did after Joshua was born. I wish I hadn't put so much on, and I wish I could fit into my clothes again, but as long as I am careful, I don't see why this shouldn't happen. I now have more flabby bits than before, but my bikini days were over after Joshua was born, and I haven't really missed them!

Finally, my relationship with Joshua. This has definitely changed. So far Joshua loves having a sister and is being very helpful! I think he has become more independent as a result of me not being able to run around after him for the last few months, but also more clingy and insecure. I can see that it would be easy for Joshua to end up resenting Emma or us if we didn't do things right. An example was last night he wanted to come into our bed, as he saw Emma was in with us (she was being fed). I'm not sure how well he took the explanation that she is small and needs food in the night and has to come into Mummy and Daddy's bed to get it, but I can see that we will have to be careful.

Nonetheless, overall, despite my worries, and the fact that I did put on a lot of weight, Emma is just wonderful and certainly worth all the hard work!

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