Many thanks to every one that took to time to send us their 'favourite children's quote'. We had some wonderful responses!

As every parent knows- children constantly outsmart and bamboozle us with comments that both defy explanation but also have some reference to reality as we know it! The range of topics covered, the variety of opinions expressed, the sheer ability to ‘get off the hook’ with vaguely plausible explanations are staggering and we hope you enjoy them.

Mr Who?

I decided to go to Morrisons supermarket with Katie (3yrs) and all she kept asking is "who's morrison" I told her it was a big shop where we can buy nice things, I pointed it out when we could see it and she said "whats morrisons" again explaining and she replied " where is he I want to see him" ha ha ha wee soul just couldn't believe it was just a shop!

Susan

Don't Swear

My sister took my daughter to the shops to buy sweets, they got to pay and the cashier asked my daughter how she was, to which her reply was, 'i'm fine, but it's bloody raining again!' i'm so glad the cashier thought she was my sister's!

Julia

Miss You!

My two year old daughter stayed at my parents' house for the weekend. When we picked her up on Sunday night, she rushed over to me and said "I'm Chloe! You 'member me?"

Lotta Nothin!

My nephew, Austin wanted to come to our house in the city so he could go to "Boo at the Zoo" a hellowe'en extravaganza put on by our local zoo. This had been heavily advertised on television and he was quite excited to go. After a long car ride and an argument between he and my son Ethen about who actually WAS Batman (they were both dressed up as Batman)It did turn out to be very dark with long lineups and very few treats. Afterwards, on the walk back to the car, he was very quiet. I said "Well, Master Austin, what did you think of that?" he said "Well, it was a whole lotta walkin' for a whole lotta nothin'" My husband and I could barely contain ourselves.Sabrina

Jumping!

My daughter, Shea Lynne was jumping up and down on the sofa and I said " Shea, mama does not want you to jump on the sofa" She said, "I'm not jumping, I'm landing!" Age 2 1/2 at the timeSabrina

Medical facts

My classic quote is, when I collected my wee daughter from nursery, it had been raining (funny old thing - rain in Scotland!) so I took my glasses off as they were all wet and I couldn't see out of them. When she saw me she said "Daddy, you're not wearing your eyes!" Chris

Plausible excuses

My little boy Ryan doesn’t like Playschool and one day said he couldn’t go because the Playschool has drowned and the policeman said he couldn’t go any more he is 3. Carol

An understandable misunderstanding!

My 5-year-old daughter had been to a party. When she came home she announced that she had a new boyfriend called Max. I asked her why he was her boyfriend. "I kissed him,” she said. "Where?" I asked, meaning on the cheek or on the lips. "In the balls!" she replied proudly. Luckily I knew that the party was in the Wacky Warehouse, which has a large ball pit, otherwise I would have been worried! Sarah

We went to a caravan park last weekend, and I had told the children some of the facilities, including an indoor pool. On the way there my son said he was 'confused', how could the caravan be so big? “What do you mean?” I asked. “Well,” he replied, “it must be huge to fit a pool in it!” Jane

My son once said "I would like to join the sprouts when I'm older" He meant Scouts! Julie

My grandson (2) met me at his door a while back wanting to know whether I'd join his Mum and younger brother for a trip to ‘TOCKY TICKIN’. It took a bit of thought to realise that they were off to KFC!! I thought his version sounded far more interesting! Norah

My sister got married a couple of years ago and my son Craig was one of the Pageboys. Whilst eating the meal after the wedding the Best Man stood up and called for a "toast" to which my son replied "I'm full, I don't want any toast" It destroyed the Best Man’s speech as everyone was in hysterics. Angela

If we're out and about and think it's time for a break - juice and biscuit etc. I say “Shall we have a break now’ Quote from my 3½-year-old son who has misheard what we say and now constantly says: “Shall we stop and have a breakdown now Mummy?” Maybe he's right!! Dawn

We were travelling to a National Trust property, Wallington Hall, for a family day out. My young son, Oliver 27 months, kept doing the usual “Where are we going Mummy?” and I kept telling him where. As we approached I said “Oh look here we are” and Oliver replied “Yeah Mummy, look Wallington Boot.” It must have been very confusing for him! Helen

My daughter lives in a 4-bedroom house, one room being used as a "visitors room". My daughter stores some of her clothes in there and my young grandson James aged 4 saw his mum going through the clothes in the wardrobe, they couldn't stop laughing at him because he suddenly said "Mummy are you going to put on the visitors clothes?" Out of the mouths of babes. Janice

Manners please!

"PARDON" said at the top of his voice by our 2½-year-old son Zach when anyone in the vicinity breaks wind no matter how quietly - with the notable exception of himself, ever no matter how loud! Gary

My husband was trying to teach our toddler the basics of good manners when she was begging for some of his dessert. The conversation went like this:
Daughter: "Ice cream please?"
Husband: "Can I have some ice cream please?"
Daughter: "Of course you can Daddy."
I fell off my chair laughing at this point. Deborah

Geography & Physics lessons…

When my 3-year-old daughter saw hail for the very first time, she shouted, "Look, Mummy. It's raining candies." Judith

Whenever we turn the tap on and let the water drain away my daughter would ask if it would now be raining in Australia? She’s only 5 so can be forgiven! Eleanor

My daughter (aged 3 at the time) came up with an interesting explanation for what happens when it rains. “Mummy there is a lot of water on the moon and when it is windy it tips up and all the water comes off - that’s what makes it rain!” Hilary

My 3-year-old grandson said (when told by his mother to hurry up and get dressed as they were off to France that day). "If we're late will France be closed?" Mrs Kerslake

Legal Advice

A quote for your from my daughter, Daisy, aged 5, on hearing the advice regarding pirate videos which precedes all Disney videos: "Mum, you've got to phone this number quick and tell them that we've got a pirate video. You need to tell them that we've got Peter Pan." Helen

Kissing etc and what can happen next…

My eldest (4) Jordon, walked into our bedroom and caught my wife and I having a snog. He promptly told me to “stop eating mummy!” Ian

When my daughter was three we were looking through my wedding photos when she asked why she wasn’t in any of the photos, I explained that her Daddy and I hadn’t made her yet which she seemed to accept and then she asked "and when did you make Daddy then?" Lynn

My wife was carrying our second child and my oldest child used to talk to my wife’s belly. One day he said, "I know Mummy has swallowed you but she will spit you out soon." We were in stitches laughing!

Logic

When my son James was three, we were in the park with some friends. There was an accident and he hurt his head. James said his head hurt, so I said to him “when we get home I will give you some medicine.” He instantly replied "How will it make me better when you put it in my mouth?" Michelle

My daughter is at the asking why stage and the hardest daily conversation with her is:
"Why do mummy's wear tights?" "To keep our legs warm."
"Why do you want to keep warm" "Because it is cold outside"
"Well don't go outside!" Iona

By Alex aged 4: "Mum, if Bees are Bees, why aren't Wasps W's?" Lynne

My 1-year-old daughter is a bit confused. My mother has a red car therefore everything red is called car, including Clifford the dog and her mum when she gets embarrassed. Michelle

When my daughter wanted the curtains opened she said, "SWITCH THE CURTAINS ON." i.e. when you switch the light on there is light so it was dark and she wanted light in the room. Rahila

A case of deduction, my dear Holmes…

I have a classic quote from my niece Victoria. When she was 5, a fly had got into the house and walked on one of the buns for her birthday party. We weren't sure which one it had walked on, until Victoria picked one up and examined it carefully before announcing: "It was this one, I can see its footprints." Jan

Tell it how it is…

Erin, 4 in August, "When I'm bigger and big, I can go to the pump, drink beer and packets of crisps and say naughty words like Daddy in the car." Ruth

I knew my 2½ year old daughter was observant, but I did not realise how much until I was explaining to her that a white 'deposit' on the swing was paint so she would not be put off sitting on it. She looked at me and said '”No mummy, a birdie squeezed it out of it's bottom!” and then sat on the swing anyway!

Whenever I say to Aaron my little boy (2) “You're scruffy”, “You're naughty etc He always replies with "No I'm not, I'm Aaron!" Phillippa

A quote from my son aged 2. "I have a sense of humour, I just don't want to use it! " Naomi

Zac aged 4, after dropping his coat in the doorway when arriving home. Grandma says “ Don’t drop your coat in the middle of the floor” Zac, moving a few feet, points down and replies “I think you will find that’s the middle of the floor Grandma!” Irene

Classic quote from my 3 year old daughter Olivia. When I put her to bed one night I turned out the light and bent down to kiss her. I said, “Where are you, I can't see you?” To which she replied, “I'm here you silly bugger!!!” Luckily the light was out because she couldn't see my shoulders shaking from laughing. Tansi

Shannon was painting with my Mum, and Mum showed her how to paint spots (she's obsessed with them since her cousin having chicken pox!). Then Shannon painted a big green patch so Nanny said, "That's lovely, is it grass?" “No, it's paint,” said Shannon! Susan

Heard another cracker as well this week from my friends 3 year old girl Bethany upon meeting Zach for the first time in over 2 years said "I don't like boys, especially not that one, he's not my boyfriend!" Gary

A classic quote from my 5-year-old son. One day we were out in the rain and I started to sing 'raindrops keep falling on my head', he said, "NO, raindrops keep falling on my HOOD!" That song will never be the same again!! Stephanie

When my niece came to play with my daughter in the garden, I showed her our trampoline and said "Haven’t you got one of those Abby?" to which she replied "Yes, but mines clean!" Gill

Whilst getting my four year old daughter dressed the other day we had a conversation that went as follows:
Mummy: "We'll get daddy to do your hair shall we as he does it better than me."
Jessica: "Yes - you don't do it properly do you mummy."
Mummy: "Oh - thank you very much."
Jessica: "You're welcome
Stella

My 5-year-old nephew recently went shopping to buy a suit for his Dad who is a musician in a rock band. When Dad emerged from the changing room wearing the suit, my nephew piped up "You look like someone who goes to work now!" Felicity

At the age of 3 my nephew was asked by his great uncle what his name was. He replied "My name is Frankie, but I'm called Francis when I'm naughty!" Felicity

One breakfast whilst my 2 sons and I ate breakfast, my youngest son Ben (3) had just finished his cereal and then 3 pieces of toast!. Me to Ben “Ben you're eating like a horse today.” Retort, “Don't be silly Daddy, horses don't eat toast.” Me put in my place! Richard

My little girl was changing her dolly nappy and when asked, “What are you doing?” said, “What little girls do!” Dionne

Regularly said by my defiant daughter Jennifer, Age 6, "You're not the boss of me!" Doug

Classic quote from my 3 year old nephew (Callum) on looking round a very grand stately home, the (mostly) very posh visitors whispering to each other in reverence at the priceless antiques, statuary, wall hangings and imposing historical atmosphere, in a loud clear voice: "YOU'VE SEEN ONE, YOU'VE SEEN THEM ALL." Charles

“Of course the octopus can play better football than me he has more legs!” Sue

My 6 year old cousin on seeing my brother for the first time in a year in which time he had grown a moustache said "Uncle Peter, why is your lip so hairy?" Jayne

My son recently kept telling his older brother “NOT LATER, NOW!” After I had heard him say this many times I asked him where had he heard this being said - his answer "You always say it mummy?" Well I was gob smacked and I couldn't remember saying it at all? Jean

Quote from my son's friend when he had just poked another boy in the eye with a plastic sword. His mum had told him off, saying that the injured boy could have lost the use of the eye. Joe returned "Well he has another one!" Jenny

My 2-year-old daughter asked her daddy last night: "Daddy, what did you do at work today - swear at people?!" Jo

My 2 year old son sitting on a toy pedal car. “Mummy, I will have lots of voice left when I grow up and drive a real car. I won't have to keep saying ‘brmm, brmm’ then will I?” Joanne

When my daughter looked at her school book and saw that there were 16 pages. She said "16, that's millions!" Ray

"I'm always careful!!!” Julia

If you can shift the blame…

Dad walks in from work one evening and finds the living room covered in toys and looking like a hurricane has hit the house. Dad: “Who's made all this mess?” My 22-month-old son: “Mummy!” Karen

Religious instruction…

“Jesus died very young didn't he. He was born at Christmas and died at Easter!” Lisa, aged six.

Classic quote by my young son Gus Lees: "The Lord said to Moses 'Come forth.' but he came third and won a teapot." J Lees

Whilst recently walking through a church yard my 7 year old daughter said "Why does everyone who is buried here have the same name, in loving memory?" Julie

Quote by my little boy at the age of approx. 2 and a half years old. We took him up to the front at church to be blessed whilst my husband and myself took communion. The vicar bent down and put his hand on Ben’s head, and then asked him what his name was to which Ben shouted out "Bob the Builder". Angie

Quote from Rachel, age 7: "Why does Jesus sit on the right hand of God? Is it because God has very big hands? How do people know that he sits on his right hand?" (Answers on a postcard ...please!?) Carol

My daughters 'classic quote' (one of many) was when my dad died. A couple of weeks later my mum took her on a break and she was soooo excited cos she said....... “I can't wait to go and see Grandad in DEVON!” Christina

My daughter would insist it is "No one's Ark" and not Noah’s Ark nothing we said would change her mind. Elizabeth

I was telling my son the Christmas Story about the 3 wise men bringing gifts to baby Jesus. My son said, "What did you give to the baby Jesus Mum" It made me feel very old! Wendy

After an unusually heavy hailstorm, my 5-year-old grandson Kieran turned to me and asked, "Grandma, why is God throwing stones at us?" Maureen

The ageing process…

Erin, 4 in August, "When I'm bigger and big, I can go to the pump, drink beer and packets of crisps and say naughty words like Daddy in the car." Ruth

Another time, about the same age, he walked in on me when I was getting changed. He said "Mummy, I've got boobies too - but mine don't swing like yours!" Tania

Quote from my daughter when told we were going to visit Grandad’s: "Is that Grandad with the stiff hair, or the one with three bits of hair?" Nigel

My daughter was sat watching her Nan complete her nightly beauty regime. My mum was putting on some cream when my daughter asked why she was doing it. My mum told her it was to help her from becoming wrinkly to which my darling daughter replied, “hmmm it isn’t working very well is it!” Ha, ha, cheeky little thing!

"When I get older mum, I will have wavy lines on my face just like nanny!!!” Karen

One of my grand daughters friends got very worried about losing one of her teeth, so Hannah looked up and said “Not to worry, Grandad takes his teeth and gums out every day!” Val

My 3-year-old daughter said this to me in a busy shop, "When I get bigger like you mummy will I have a fat bottom?!" Charming! Emma

The other week my husband and sons were playing football with the boys’ new goal posts when the oldest (Jake age 4) piped up with "Daddy you'll be a fine goalkeeper when you grow up." Karly

“Grandma, you have lines on your face, are you old?” Maureen

Quick thinking…

Last week after being told off by her mum - "I think it's time to go to Nanny’s" Kayla age 2½.

When my I catch my 4-year-old son doing something naughty, he always comes out with either:“Ella told me to do it" or "It was Ella's idea to do it." Ella is his 2-year-old sister who does not talk yet. Neil

When my brother was about 6 my mum caught him going into the house by climbing through a window instead of using the front door. When she asked him what he was doing it replied that “it was his ghost and it was an accident!” Nikki

Empathise at all costs..

My daughter is already as sympathetic as I am - whenever any one complains of being ill, she has that complaint also - to the extent that if I say I have a baby in my tummy, she says so does she!! Karen

Dinner table talk…

After leaving half of her dinner, "I'm not hungry any more.....Can I have some ice cream?" Anna aged 3

Our 6 year old son has also always been able to eat pudding even though he's says he's full. When asked why he looked at me as though I was daft and said "I've got two tummies of course, a savoury tummy that's this big (very small) and a pudding tummy that's this big (very large)! Janet

Sporting observations…

My baby was christened the other day and we had lots of other family at our house. My 3-year-old was playing in the garden with the older boys. He came in to report “We're playing football. First you have a fight, then you get the ball!!” Janice

First words

“Birdies are singing" - first attempt to string words together by our 18 month-old daughter. It broke my heart. A blackbird was singing in the back garden and it clearly made her very happy. Simon

Questions for which there are no answers…

A little boy once asked my father "Which do you think are nicer Mouse or Mice?" Sally

The Art of keeping secrets

When my niece was six she was getting very excited about everyone having Christmas presents. After a shopping spree one day with her mum, she told me that they had bought a present for me. She then turned a said "I can't tell you what it is but I will give you a clue." She then whispered in my ear. "It goes over your nightie." Sharon

Genuine concerns

I was four months pregnant with my fourth child and one evening my husband decided to tell our three children the news while I was at work. "Mummy is having a baby,” he said. Stephanie, my 8-year-old asked "Does she know?!" Tania

A few years ago, when my eldest son was four we went on holiday in Gran Canaria. We decided to take an underwater trip on a submarine, and were waiting for it to submerge when my son asked how long we'd be down there for. I told him it would be about half an hour, when he looked very worried and said "Mummy, I don't think I can hold my breath for that long!"

Appreciation of the animal kingdom

Victoria, aged 3, last week came up to me with a pencil hanging out each nostril “Look Mummy, I'm a walrus!” I didn't know whether to laugh or cry! Nicola