In this section we have collected experiences from mums who, for whatever reason, are coping alone.

If you would like to share your experiences with other parents please email:contributions@forparentsbyparents.co.uk.

I have two wonderful children who are 14 and 6 and have been divorced for almost 3 years. It was a big shock to have lost the partner and all future dreams. The children see their dad now every week for three day's.

After the brake up I threw myself into a new career and started to study. I was determined to do well so I can be independant and support the children. It was this determination what kept my mind busy and it is now that I realise I was hiding my feelings of hurt.

The most difficult thing is now that I do have to rely on the childrens dad in their support with child care on the day's I am away for training. As I feel it is better for the children to be with their father than with friend's. Also he is making me feel so guilty in trying to get this career. He is telling me what a bad mum I am in having to rely on child care and himself. The strange thing is I have now more time for the children than I ever had when I was working with him together during our marriage.

Well the children are my main focus but I do relise that it is down to me to provide the best possible start in life. Starting this new career gave me a new focus and made me a better mother!

I'm the mother of a four-year-old boy and I am happily married to his father, you may be wondering why I am telling of my experience in the 'coping alone' section. I stopped work when I had my child as my personal feelings is that nobody could look after him as well as I could.

Nothing prepared me for the loneliness I was to feel. The days, although busy were very long. When my little boy was a few months old we (my son and I) started attending a local mother and toddlers group and I noticed that he behaved differently to other children, very unpredictable, aggressive, hyperactive and downright embarrassing. Every evening I would tell my husband about it but he worked long hours and all he ever saw was the cute and sleepy child at bedtime, he has never said as much but it was made very clear that he thought I just couldn't cope with a normal lively child.

I would talk to other mothers but all they would say was 'they all do that' or 'he's at that age' or 'he's just being a boy' or 'he's just a character'. I was going out of my mind. I knew he wasn't just cheeky and lively. When he started play-school it was awful, every day I would be told how he'd hurt another child or how they had absolutely no control over him. Yet still everybody I spoke to refused to acknowledge he was different, even at his three-year assessment I was told to be patient.

Eventually I had to take him out of play school and moved him to a small private nursery where they have been fantastic. On his second day I was taken aside by the manager and told in all her years she has never had to deal with a child like him. THANK YOU. It was such a relief that at last somebody agreed with me.

He is now four years old and isn't able to start full time school in September because of his behaviour but he is attending a special nurture group to help him. It is still a very testing and lonely job but at last somebody is prepared to listening to me.

I met my husband when I was 16. By the age of 32 however it seemed we had grown into 2 separate individuals rather than a loving couple. By the time our daughter was a year old I was using the excuse of still feeding her at nightime to stop even sleeping in the same bed. We also had a 3 year old. It was a fairly mutual decision to separate althought I prompted it. As my ex said at the time "I just had the guts to jump ship before he did."

It was simply that I could not see myself spending the rest of my life with someone I just didn't love anymore. People said I should have stayed for the money and for the sake of the children but people also forget that parents are people too and if they are not happy they can't function well in any role, be it mother, wife, lover or whatever.

It wasn't an easy time. What was meant to be an amicable separation soon turned bitter. I tell people these days, "Never marry a Lawyer, and never ever get divorced from one." Part of my reason for choosing to separate when we did was that our children were so young and I thought that they would except mum and dad living apart much easier and I have to say this did prove to be true. However the agreement that he had the children from Saturday night to Monday morning soon became fraught as I realised he was offloading them with his parents and friends with children rather than taking care of them himself. It came to a head when my daughter came home one Monday still wearing the same knickers she had left in 2 nights before.

This was 3 years ago. I recently met someone else. I went back to work part time, school hours only and not at all in the school holidays. I'd advise any single mum to get a job like this with the Civil Service (ironically, The Child Support Agency) as it works so well and no one stresses if I have to take a day off if a child is sick. Working Families Tax Credit and child maintenance payments ensure we live quite well. I accept that I will never own my own home again and that I shall never be rich but I am happy and the children are happy.

Dad met someone else and married within a year of our divorce and they have a new baby on the way and our children are very accepting that they now have 4 parents that love them rather than 2. He has become a better parent than he was as he was always quick to have somethingelse to do rather than parent. These days he will take days off work just to spend time with them. Previously, if he saw them a few times a week in the morning or bed time it was an achievement.

I accept that it's not the ideal I had I mind for myself when I married at 21, but now, at 35 I am stronger, more confident and between us all we are raising 2 confident and happy children.

I felt that because my relationship with my partner was breaking down when Liam was born that I had to be the perfect mother. I really tried to compensate for the lack of a real father in his life. I wouldn't let anyone else feed him and was very p

The relationship with Liam's father is much better now and it has made my life a lot better as I feel there is now a good balance in Liam's life and he has 2 active parents.

When Simon was born my partner and I where splitting up, the situation was almost unbearable. It got better when we got his visiting times etc sorted out on a proper basis, but I think it took my ex husband a long time to come to terms with his new role as father. He would turn up to collect him and tell me about his hangover and where he had been with his mates the night before. I was coping with sleepless nights and coping on my own I used to get so angry about it.

I have to say that now he is a very responsible father, but in the first year he was pretty useless.

National charity Parentline Plus has found through their numerous services that there are literally thousands of parents looking for support through a family divorce and/or separation, and in particular co-parenting post separation. Over 42% of calls made their Helpline are regarding problems around divorce and separation and its impact on children which is why they are launching a new campaign called Contact Counts.

Contact Counts aims to help parents reduce the potential harm of disputes about contact by offering tips and hints and someone to talk to 24-hours a day, whilst encouraging parents to negotiate contact arrangements constructively with each other, turning to legal procedures only as a last resort.

Visit www.parentlineplus.org.uk for more information including a number of leaflets you can download.

Support Links

HOME-START

This is a voluntary organisation in which volunteers offer regular support, friendship and practical help to young families under stress in their own homes.

2 Salisbury Rd, Leicester, LE1 7QR Tel: 0116 233 9955

www.home-start.org.uk